i wish i could.yep,another wish gone.

days pass by, and i still cant get over you. i think of you everyday at least about five times.y'know,i regret not telling you everything i should have said.but you cant hear me now that you've left,right?i didnt tell you everything,my mistakes,my dreams,everything i've achieved,and i couldnt do that,i dunno why.i guess i was such a failure.but there's one thing i will always remember,i love you.i miss you.and i want to be there for you.i remember most of the moments shared with you,since young,since i could start remembering.and i thank you for caring so much for me.i really hope you're in a better place.i promise i will study hard and find someone in the future.i really miss you.i love you.rest well granny

life goes on.i dont know much anymore.got anco camp.urgh..but i'll take it,get it over with.and byebye to it.hmphff.im really clueless about how i feel nowadays.i dunno wat to feel.i think i've made too many mistakes.and i still am.and i will.i just cant stop.i dont know why.im really imperfect.i dunno why.suddenly,i just dont feel like being here anymore.i always dont wanna be here.i just want to be in a quiet place.near a beach.friendly peepos.a happy life.i dont know why.there are some things that i dont regret.yet they are painful.

hmphhff.
i dunno why.i jus keep thinking of you.maybe i really like you.but i have to move on.cus i know that you dont feel the way i do.i've accepted it.and so,life continues.


a million things,
nicole;///

we cant live forever.we cant love forever.we cant have forever.but we can have a veryverylongtime.

it was a shock.it was a crash.i had it all but i wasted everything.now theres so much regret left.at the same time,there were so many good memories im keeping.they tell me to let go;you're in a better place.but i'll not take those for answers.im stubborn.i cant let go.but im trying.right now,my mind is going through all those pretty moments we shared.you've been there for me since i was born,and i'll never forget that.i will never forget you.maybe i will try to accept the fact that you're gone already.i have always loved you,i love you,and i will always love you.i miss you.i really miss you.i cant stop wishing i could say many things to you if i was given jus a few more
mins with you.im sorry.i love you granny.

thanks for being there for me.the most.quite.hmph.

sleepwell,
nicole;)

im seeing stars.and there was a sudden shooting star.it was,it was,it was........................a yellow bunny.

hehhehehehhe,thts lame.

hmph.crazy.my day gets crazier everyday.and i keep losing my faith.that there'll be a better change.im trying.honest.great,there's a freako doing jumping jacks.efff.wth.hmph.my exam results not bad.they okok.for mt,i got a pathetic 6 out of 20 fr paper 3 and 37 out of 70.at first got 35,and i was like,shit!i ask fr just pass but nvr mean it.but thn the marker stupid cant count. hehehehheh.hmph.yes,i like literature. too bad.

tmr,got stupid camp briefing.

shit.

night,
nicole;))))

im fine.really.if anything's wrong,its not me.im fine honestly.

i dont need advice.lectures.nags.i dont need the are-you-sure stares.i just need the goofy grins and heheheh-smiles to make me fine.

man,music is the best medication to everyday life.when im sad,happy,pissed or lonely,music is my cure.awesome.today was a horrible day.sjab,sorry,you really sucked today.tht 'cher made me real pissed. she was like blahblahblah and scolding.but,no point in getting stressed over ppl who aint worth it.she aint gonna gimme frown lines.and got pissed at senior.but not so bad.thn th test.and briefed on th camp.yea,its pretty horrible.but im thinkin,do it,and get over with it.thn byebye.so yea,i'll just suffer for awhile.argh.

so many problems.all i want is trust right now.i want belief.i dont need concern or care.i just need trust and belief.in me.but im losing hope.i just want to block out all the voices.

man.gawd.

irefusetospellgawdproperly,
nicole;( ;)

yes,so now im pissed at god.sorry religious peeps but im just not into religion whether you're catholic,christian buddhist,watevs.i can go to temples and church but i will never take a religion.at least now.yeahh im pissed at god cus he wont gimme a break.to help me.he's a freakin liar,he'll never help.

the weekend is coming.and im loving it.or dreading it actually.yea sure im glad exams have ended,but i dont want the week to end.i dont wanna lose her.ive been trying to keep things together but ive messed it up.ive got issues.issues are me.i gotta solve them.before i lose everything.i cant mess up.not now or ever.

fff,but it was fun.i'll stop.soon.

hmm,
nicole;(((

goddagoddagodda.\

this week,half-shite,half-wow.i thought it was gonna be a relax exam since i didnt worry during cl and el 1.then,next day,hist hard...thn today maths,aint workin.and stuck at the back sweating and so HOT.argh.so yea,shite exams.and studying at library really helps.yeah sure.:D



and i jus cant wait til friday.yeah.i need money for hols.im gonna go wild.hehhee.ok,not that much hehehhes.

happy.

:D,
nicole;))

ohwow.cant wait.no i wanna wait.agh.

months gone and i still have no idea why im posting.anyways,freakin MYE in few days.and th only thing i have revised is fashion and boys from gf mag.shite.im dead.and on fri or sat,sheryl had to tell me im chosen for ANCO camp.and shite,again. shiteshite.CAMP,is horror.bigbigbig horror!why?!and she had to say b4 mye,which is super shite already. ok.

im done peeing my pants
good luck for MYE everyone.
and i've showcased my sanity.not.

duh,
nicole;)